Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
