I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
