She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
