i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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