I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
