I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
