I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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