don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
