In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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