so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
