The beer is more important than you right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
