I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
