I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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