Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
