Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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