I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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