I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
