I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
