Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
