So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
