The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
