I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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