Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
