Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
