we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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