I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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