Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
