What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
