I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
