if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
