I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
