She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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