For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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