is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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