I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its not stalking. its research.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
