I am puke
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
