just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
