So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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