Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
