She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
