I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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