So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm bleeding and have questions
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