It's Friday. Sex?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
where are you?
Hypothermia
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
