I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
