I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
