I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
