is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
