I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
