im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
