just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
