Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
