I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
