he wants to bone in the snuggie
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
