are you still at the devil's house?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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