didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
only you would photoshop your dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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