She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
