don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
