my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
