Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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