she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
