i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
