i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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