I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
