I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
