Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ugly people sure do ruin things
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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