I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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