I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
