hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
