Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
