Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
