Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Damn victory sex feels great
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